im bored.. well not really

hay.. its thesis making once again.. and im all alone making this.. :| gosh.. kainis ata no.. :| ewan ba..  Nauubos ang pasensya ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Ang bilis ng uminit ng ulo ko lately. Pakiramdam ko dahil yun sa sobrang pagod at sa sobrang hectic ko. Tapos sasabayan pa nila ng kung ano anong kabaliwan. :| Parang hindi ko na mapigil minsan. Minsan nga pakiramdam ko burned out na ako. Pakiramdam ko one of these days bigla na lang akong iiyak at magaga nervous breakdown. :( Tinatamad na tuloy ako ngayon.. ano ba ito.. nakakainis naman.. :| Alam mo yung pakiramdam na parang pinipilit mo na lang gawin kasi wala naman atang ibang gagawa dahil hindi mo alam kung online sila oh ano.. :| Kung ano na ginagawa nila or what not.. parang ang hirap. nangangapa ako sa dilim. Hindi ko alam kung ano na nagawa nila? Kung ano pa ang kulang.. sa ngayon ang alam ko lang ang dami pa namin kulang.. Ang dami pang missing parts and na ang nagawa pa lang is yung inemail sakin ni James. hay.. Ewan ko ba kung bakit pinipilit ko sarili ko.. :| Siguro kasi alam kong hectic yung week ko kaya pinipilit kong matapos ngayon yung kaya ko tapusin kahit na ang bangag at ang sabaw ko na.. :|

Bigla akong kinilig, loko loko kasi si Richard eh. Pakitaan ba naman ako ng picture ni Derek at Enchong.. :)) Hay.. ang bilis tuloy ng tibok ng puso ko.. Tapos yung ngiti ko ayaw mawala.. Ano ba yan.. Hindi tuloy ako makaconcentrate. :|

Okay. Medyo lang ang bigat ng ulo at medyo masakit na din siya pero hindi naman ako makatulog ng ganito no. Yung alam mong di pa tapos and shet ni wala pa nga sa kalahati eh. :| Hay naku. :|

Ngayon naman ang hapdi na ng mata ko.. Ano ba ito. :) Anong oras na 1:14 AM na sa orasang ng computer dito at gising pa ako! Kakaiba lang talaga. Tapos kahapon anong oras ako natulog 4 AM. Gosh. Ano bang nangyayari sa body clock ko.. It is so screwed up.

Gosh 1:27 na ah. :)) Inaantok na ako.. Mga 8:30 pa lang inaantok na ako ah! :)) Kainis.. 5 hours na lumipas at gising pa ako. Maraming salamat sa Nescafe at sa will ko dahil dahil sa kanila gising pa ako ngayon! :))

So 2:10 am na ngayon, dapat kanina pa akong 2 am natutulog pero no.. :)) Kausap ko lang saglit si Lindsy then after nito matutulog na ako. promise.. :) Baka hindi ako magising para sa binyag mamaya eh. :| Nakakahiya naman. :|

So feel ko 2:30 tulog na ako.. kaya.. hanggang dito na lang muna. ng makatulog na ako! :))

random.

Well, I honestly don't know why Im blogging again after a long time. Maybe I just don't want to write at my journal right now.. or maybe I'm just too lazy to get it from my bag, get a pen and write my thoughts.

Its been so crazy lately. I dunno. Sometimes i feel imprisoned by people and things around me. Sometimes i feel like i shouldn't even be where I am. Like i should be someplace else.. It sucks honestly.. cause Im here.. and this is where I'm suppose to be.. but at times i feel like i just don't belong.. Ewan. para bang lagi akong may hinahanap na hindi ko man lang alam kung nahanap ko na.. baka dapat magmadre ako.. baka sakali dun ko mahanap yung hinahanap ko.. ewan.. pakiramdam ko nababaliw na ako.. hahaha.. siguro.. malapit na.. buti pa nga baliw eh..

iyak na lang ako ng iyak..

can someone help me please?!

ouch.

As we (Indi, Jess and I) were walking along SJ Walk on our way home. We passed by him. And upon seeing him with his new girl all I could feel was ouch. A funny feeling since I barely know him but for some reason whenever I see him, all I could muster is a sigh and have a heavier feeling. I don't even know why. There is something about him. I can not even pin point what the heck that is. And now, I could only wish that I really know him, and that he knows me too. He always had this look and aura that was quite mysterious. Ugh. There is this force again attracting me to him and its not right. Cause I would be looking for another pain and another reason to feel sad and even cry. I don't need it right now. I have had enough to last me for a good ten years. I just want him to be happy and hopefully he'd be treated right and loved the way he should be.

-----

he passed me by
holding her hand
looking at her
so tenderly
eyes filled with love
only for her

he held her hand
like he was never gonna
let it go

i could see
i could sense
somehow
somewhere
something is wrong
or is it my mind
and heart
decieving me

and again
i wish
i was the one
he was with
the one he'd look at like that
the one he'd love
and the one he'd hold in his arms...

but reality sets in
im not his princess
i don't even exist
he doesn't even know me
and thats how its gonna be
ill know him
but he will not know me..

conversation

he smiled

she smiled

he waved

she waved

he started walking towards her

she just stood there

he spoke, "hello"

she answered, "hi"

he looked into her eyes

she did the same

he took her hand

she just let him hold it

he smiled

she smiled

he gazed into her eyes

she gazed back

he came nearer and nearer

she stood still

he kissed her on her forehead

she closed her eyes

he embraced her

she embraced him

he spoke, "I love you"

she spoke, "I love you too"

he hugged her so tight and tender

she just cherished every moment

he pulled away

she let him

he looked at her then to the ground

she looked at him

he was silent

she was waiting

he held both her hands

she just let him

he said, "I'll see you around."

she just smiled

he let go of her hands

she just stood there

he turned his back at her

she stepped backward

he walked away

she turned her back

he stopped

she walked away

he turned around

she stopped

he shouted, "You look beautiful"

she turned around

he smiled

she shouted, "You look like my prince"

he ran to her

she stood still

he held her in his arms

she began to cry

he spoke, "I am not your prince, just your teacher"

she spoke, "And I will never be your princess, just a friend"

Both were silent

Both gazed into each others eyes

Both walked away from each other.

-END-

flirt

Well, I dont deny that i flirt. Since I really do and there are some guys and girl who would validate that for me and for you. But there is an exception to the rule, I only flirt with the guys who flirt with me. In short I just flirt back. But there are times wherein I do not follow that because I want to talk to the guy or I just long for the attention he gives me because not everyday someone does that to me. And hey, they only do it for a few times and stop afterwards. So might as well enjoy it while its there. haha. And I know that the guys now that I am flirting with them which they also like. Hay. But what's funny is after they flirt with you and they found another girl to flirt with they'd just drop you like a hot potato without even telling you. They just give you those OH SO SUBTLE HINTS that they are just not interested anymore.. tsk tsk tsk. It kinda hurts, but thats how they do it, I mean thats how it goes with some and hopefully not all.

random.

Well its morning and I have just been thinking a lot and trying to reflect and analyze the things that have happened to me in the past few days, weeks and months. So there.

*Save me from the misery i am in.*

*They'd always come and ago. Its just a matter of when, how and where.*

*After they flirt with you for a little while they'd leave because they have someone new to flirt with.*

*The least I deserve is a honest and decent explanation from you but that you cannot even give.*

*I have had enough of the bullshit, of all the crappy excuses, so just spare me this time. It wouldn't hurt to shut your mouth and refrain from saying those bullshit and crap of yours.*

So there you go. I really think I am once again becoming a man hater which will sound unbelievable and ironice to most and a little understandable to some. But I don't have much energy to dig deeper right now. I just wanna lay on my bed and sleep the rest of my day.